Regression

One thing I realized during my time studying abroad in Hong Kong is the fact that people want to connect back to their roots. Whether they are adopted into a different nation at a young age, or because they never had a chance to relocate to their OG country, they seem to have a deeper and internal reason behind studying here.

It’s not just where people decide to live for an extended amount of time. People in the bootcamps at army or such always have feelings for their family, especially their moms. 

When we are in comfortable state of mind, or in a situation full of pressure to outperform, it’s in our instincts to regress back where we really come from - a physical location or with a group of close people.

That’s what usually felt on campus back at school. I wanted to go back to my parents in my safe haven without the stress. I don’t think I’ll ever grow out of it, but I’m okay with that. 

College Things - Stress

First things first, I really suck at handling stress. I learned this the hard way, meaning that I broke down to my worst before realizing my issue. January 2014 was probably the worst month for me. School work, relationships, and winter weather all got to me at once. Looking back, the main factor that played into me breaking down were my persistent thoughts.

School was always a high priority for me. Preparing for essays, tests, and small quizes were always on my mind constantly. Even if I acted like it wasn’t a big deal, I would worry about my assignments before and after I turned it in. I think having a alternative where I could ‘escape reality’ like a healthy hobby would have led to a better state of health.

It all begins with questioning myself. Why didn’t I get the score I expected? Didn’t I prepare well enough? Am I the only one struggling in this class? I guess the biggest reason for me being like this is because pressure I feel from myself. Knowing that I’m not as naturally talented as my peers, I pressure myself extra hard to achieve higher or at least the same as them.

The way I see it, there are two characteristics of students at my school.

  • Naturally gifted - Kids that ‘study’ by giving 50% effort and somehow get good scores.
  • Hard working - Kids that go the extra mile to achieve what they want to set out.

For me, I can’t do anything about the fact that I’m not naturally gifted and ace the test without much preparation. I’m pretty sure its an innate trait and vitamins or asian medicine can’t make me a genius haha. But I realize I can try extra hard.

Hopefully picking up basketball this summer will help stress less in the future. Or even coming to closure about the past and moving on will help me continue on my academic career.